Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
