apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
