the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
