just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
