glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
