i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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