The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am one with the molecules
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
