Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
