I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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