He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
