u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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