is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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