I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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