I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just google imaged poop.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
