It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
