We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
