Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
