When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
