my mouth tastes like poor choices
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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