it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
