my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
