Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
