He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
