just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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