i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
