somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
