I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize