We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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