I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize