i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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