thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
