he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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