Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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