i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
