Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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