Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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