Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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