pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
