Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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