Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
