piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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