Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
