jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
