if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
