Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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