is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
