Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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