I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dear god my vagina.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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