dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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