new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didn't notice because vodka
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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