I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We're too hungover to prance.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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