So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
