Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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