My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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