Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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