his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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