its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
