i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
