smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
