Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
