would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
