I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
