im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
