dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
