two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They took my balls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
