Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize