somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
