My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
