She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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