sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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