Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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