"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
