you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
