Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
