$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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