oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
