Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
