Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
